Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice has been out for over a month now, and it has left quite an impression on its player base in that brief span of time. The strongest of these impressions is yet to come, of course, as Sekiro’s bosses have yet to be ranked by how good they would be at hosting a party. Fortunately, I have taken this ample responsibility upon myself and provided you with the definitive ranking of Sekiro’s bosses.
Dark Souls 2 has long been the black sheep of the Soulsborne family, but I’ve never quite felt it was maligned for the right reasons. Sure, many fans criticized the boss quality and the level design, but there were ten different things in Dark Souls 2 that offended me beyond belief. I cannot overstate how deeply wounded, baffled, and serious I am about the following ten disastrous inclusions in Dark Souls 2.
Pulse-pounding combat, a gorgeous aesthetic, exceptional world design, and memorable boss fights prove that Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice is another From Software masterpiece.
Dark Souls 3 contains some truly exceptional boss battles, and in honor of the game’s third birthday, I have ranked every Dark Souls 3 boss in order of cuddling quality. These fights have been ranked before from easiest to hardest and from worst to best, but it’s obvious that the game’s developer, From Software, intended for these boss fights to speak to the player on a deeper level. That deeper level, of course, is implied to be how good of cuddlers these bosses would be.
Ever since Bloodborne was released in March of 2015, fans have been dying to find out which of the game’s many bosses would make the best parents. Sure, people have ranked these hideous, malformed beings by the difficulty and the quality of their battles, but we all know what the real metric of their worth is. So nearly four years after Bloodborne debuted, I have finally answered the community’s prayers and ranked every boss in the game by their parenting potential.
In Bloodborne, a game which largely focuses on the cosmic horror of the existence of omnipotent alien beings, the tragic tale of Lady Maria stands out as one of the most pervasive and human stories that I have ever encountered in a video game.