Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice has been out for over a month now, and it has left quite an impression on its player base in that brief span of time. The strongest of these impressions is yet to come, of course, as Sekiro’s bosses have yet to be ranked by how good they would be at hosting a party. Fortunately, I have taken this ample responsibility upon myself and provided you with the definitive ranking of Sekiro’s bosses.
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Critical Rants is now on YouTube!
Dark Souls 2: 10 Things That Personally Offended Me
Dark Souls 2 has long been the black sheep of the Soulsborne family, but I’ve never quite felt it was maligned for the right reasons. Sure, many fans criticized the boss quality and the level design, but there were ten different things in Dark Souls 2 that offended me beyond belief. I cannot overstate how deeply wounded, baffled, and serious I am about the following ten disastrous inclusions in Dark Souls 2.
Game of Thrones Just Delivered Its Blandest Premiere Ever
The season eight premiere of Game of Thrones is a bland sandwich served with a lukewarm glass of water you paid three dollars for. Winter is coming, but is good storytelling coming? Find out here…
Shazam! Fixes the DCEU’s Biggest Problem
As much as I enjoyed the humor in Shazam!, it’s the film’s heart that ultimately won me over. This could have been a two-hour ride of rip-roaring fun and silly superhero antics, and it is, and that might have been enough, but Shazam! is so much more than that.
Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice is an Electrifying Masterpiece
Pulse-pounding combat, a gorgeous aesthetic, exceptional world design, and memorable boss fights prove that Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice is another From Software masterpiece.
Ranking Every Dark Souls 3 Boss by Cuddling Prowess
Dark Souls 3 contains some truly exceptional boss battles, and in honor of the game’s third birthday, I have ranked every Dark Souls 3 boss in order of cuddling quality. These fights have been ranked before from easiest to hardest and from worst to best, but it’s obvious that the game’s developer, From Software, intended for these boss fights to speak to the player on a deeper level. That deeper level, of course, is implied to be how good of cuddlers these bosses would be.
Game of Thrones: The Case for a Tywin Lannister Spinoff
Tywin Lannister is one of the most iconic characters in Game of Thrones, and a chronicle of his younger years would make for the perfect spinoff.
Captain Marvel: The Problem With The Skrull Twist
Captain Marvel is an alright film. It entertains with funny jokes and pretty visuals like most Marvel movies do, but it has a lot of problems. Chief among these problems is the characterization, or lack thereof, of the titular hero, but as criminally underdeveloped as protagonist Carol Danvers is, what interested me most about Captain Marvel were its main villains, the shapeshifters known as the Skrull.
True Detective Season 3 Review: Great Expectations
I don’t want to say that I’m disappointed by season three of True Detective, but similar to an investigator solving an inscrutable crime, the truth can be difficult to confront. I loved nearly every moment of this season until the last two episodes rolled around, and as much it pains me to say it, I have to face the truth: I am disappointed by this show’s finale.
Ranking Every Bloodborne Boss by Parenting Potential
Ever since Bloodborne was released in March of 2015, fans have been dying to find out which of the game’s many bosses would make the best parents. Sure, people have ranked these hideous, malformed beings by the difficulty and the quality of their battles, but we all know what the real metric of their worth is. So nearly four years after Bloodborne debuted, I have finally answered the community’s prayers and ranked every boss in the game by their parenting potential.
Annual Recap: 2018’s Best TV, Movies, and Video Games
My favorite pieces of entertainment from 2018 cover a wide range of genres, from superhero dramas to superhero comedies. There’s some other stuff that I liked, too.
The Punisher Season Two Review: Unfocused and Inconsistent
Unfortunately, season two of The Punisher largely fails to capitalize on its enormous potential, and this is mostly due to one of its villains.
Why Lady Maria is Bloodborne’s Best Boss
In Bloodborne, a game which largely focuses on the cosmic horror of the existence of omnipotent alien beings, the tragic tale of Lady Maria stands out as one of the most pervasive and human stories that I have ever encountered in a video game.
Aquaman is Another Nail in DC’s Coffin
Aquaman is visually impressive, but there is nothing beneath the surface of this movie. When the script for Aquaman was being drafted, I honestly believe that the writers challenged themselves to create the most generic, tropey, cookie-cutter, formulaic superhero movie that they could dream up. And oh boy, did they succeed at that challenge.
Overwatch is Excellent, But There’s Not Enough Reasons to Keep Playing
Overwatch is an exceptional game, but it’s the part of the game that isn’t the game that’s killing the game.
Star Wars Has Written Itself into a Corner, But There’s a Way Out
The Last Jedi divided fans, Solo flopped at the box office, and the future of Star Wars remains as uncertain. There might just be a new hope for the franchise, though.
Venom is a Beautiful Disaster
Venom is an exceedingly dumb movie, but it’s also an exceedingly fun movie.
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